Remove the Shame, Replace with a Name

“I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it…known only to the one who receives it.”
– Revelation 2:17b

DISCLAIMER:  I originally wrote this back in 2022.  God’s used these last four years of continued healing and growth to bring me to this point of sharing my story.  I always thought healing was a restoration meant just for ME!  But it turns out, God uses our messes and turns them into His messages.  He takes what the enemy meant for evil and turns it for good! (Genesis 50:20).  So friends, if you find yourself in a place of hurt, the healing seems slow and the process is long, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  And God is right there with you!  Take heart, victory is ours!  (John 16:33)  The time for healing is now!  Because guess what?  He’s looking for you!  But it’s up to YOU to allow Him to remove the shame and replace it with a name, the very name that describes exactly how He sees you!!

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I struggled with my identity all my life. Not just understanding who I was but truly believing it. As a young child I fell victim to the curiosity of someone close to me, which in turn left me crippled and confused. 

The more I began to learn about God and His perfect love for me, the more I longed for that to be real for me! But every moment I tried to embrace that Truth, it was like my legs were taken out from under me and I fell down hard, every time. 

I began to believe that this was just how my life would go. I mean, I was living in a Christian home, parents and family that loves me, raised in the church, my Dad’s a pastor for goodness sake. If healing and hope were to happen, why hadn’t it yet?  On the outside things looked good but on the inside I was a ticking time bomb. 

Overtime I began to cope with life, instead of try to conquer. I did this out of fear and defeat that every time I took three steps forward it felt like six steps back! 

Coping became a way of security, but not in true secure status, but merely me thinking I was in control, even if that was the farthest from the truth! 

Through all these years, I never stopped praying. Although my prayers were definitely one sided – quite loud and demanding (sorry Lord!) I believed God was there and He did care for me. I just succumbed to the lie that my tainted self wasn’t worthy of His great and perfect love. This was as good as it’s gonna get! 

Fast forward through years of self inflicted chaos. I’m married and growing my family. And all the ways of coping I did for ME were not what I wanted to be, what I needed to be for my husband and my kids! It was here my prayers became more conversational. Truly sincere cries for help and guidance. 

Now, all these prayers weren’t just words, although some days they felt that. In fact, for years I felt like a voidless voice. But oooo baby, let me tell you, God is always listening and His timing will prevail. 

I think in a sense I got tired of my simple and subtle prayers of begging God to fix everything around me. And one day, I prayed that all in prayer! I asked God to not only be Lord over my life but to break me so He could make me whole again!

There is a saying, “If you want God to heal you, you need to give Him all the pieces.” At that very moment, in a crowded auditorium surrounded by thousands of women, it grew silent. The only thing I heard was my heart beat. The steady rhythm that then turned to God saying “Give me ALL the pieces.”

For the first time in all my life, my white knuckled, clenched fist began to relax. And out dropped the remaining broken pieces of my life I had held so tightly to. 

Prayer broke the battered barrier, God’s Word brought the walls tumbling down and grace helped begin the healing process. 

Oh what a process it has been! In June it will be 7 years since the reconstruction process began! And in those seven years I’ve experienced nothing short of God’s promises. Promises of His perfect peace! Peace in the chaos.

Now before you think my life is full of peaceful situations I must clarify. Peace doesn’t mean no trials or struggles. But rather, an inner peace – one that surpasses all understanding! 

In the book “Peace Pirates” by Ashley Willis, she studied the word peace. Which the original translation means “Shalom”. And if you break down the characters in the Hebrew Word, Shalom, you will see something amazing. A definition of what Peace, created by God is meant to look like! 

Destroy the Authority Attached to Chaos 

That chaos I wallowed in for years had authority over my life! It wasn’t just attached but was absolutely in charge! And the peace I was trained up to know became more than head knowledge. It was sincerely and truly connected to my heart. 

In that moment, with that prayer, the peace that entered destroyed the authority that was still attached to chaos. And what remained was a clean slate. One made possible because of the ultimate sacrifice of a perfect Savior. 

Now maybe, you’ve already made that decision to allow Jesus to be your Savior! And I can’t emphasize how amazing that is! But have you made Him Lord over your life? 

A wise man once said “To live for Jesus means He needs to be your Lord AND Savior. So, if you believe He is your Savior. The Savior that set you free from all sin AND you make Him the Lord, the authority over your life, then peace will reign in your heart! All chains of bondage by sin and chaos will be broken. And one thing remains.

Peace. 

About 3 ½ years into my journey of healing, I was meeting with a wise woman, Wonderful Wendy, – we call her. And as we prayed over this very area of struggle of my identity, she looked intently at me said “Candace this may sound crazy but I want you to pray and ask God what your name is!” 

I looked at her, not hiding my befuddled response and said “Yeah that does sound crazy.” And she reassured me to allow God to guide the question and provide His answer.  

Leaving our time together, I began praying over this silly suggestion. And as my wondering mind goes when praying in the car, I started a thinking about names. And from this one thought, jumped to many others that led me to a name I wanted for my own child. A name that none of my daughters had gotten. And why? 

Because even for all those years of desiring this specific name for one of my daughters, God had given me this name for ME! Long before I had kids do my own, God was trying  to show me how HE sees me! I’m just a little slow and it took me a while to see. And here is why.

My given name at birth was Candace. Which means full of light, clarity and pure. Well as I shared I had never felt any of that! I may have been FULL of light, but it felt stuck inside, unable to breakthrough.  Therefore, I never embraced the name I believed my identity to be found in. And God saw that. He saw me. He saw my pain. Confusion. And He heard my cry. 

In that moment in my car, what I thought of was a “squirrel” moment actually was God whispering to me the name as He sees me as…

Lenora. 

Lenora means shining light and compassion. 

God took my given name, Candace which was just FULL of light and He broke through the darkest of places turning it to SHINING!  And He took the clarity and purity He saw in my HEART and allowed me grace and healing, so I may use His light to bring compassion to those battling the same identity crisis in their lives.   

So I ask now, what is your name? Not the name given to you when you entered this world. BUT the very name God has for you! One that encompasses exactly how your Heavenly Father sees you? 

LISTEN to “You Found Me” by Canyon Worship.

                     “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:
       The old has gone, the new is here!”
 – 2 Corinthians 5:17

For example…

                     The Old:    Candace means full of light, clarity and pure. 

                     Made New:     Lenora means shining light and compassion.

*Challenge for YOU:  

1. Look up the meaning of your name. Write it down. Does that name define your identity? Why or why not?
   
   
    
2. Pray and ask God what name He has for you! And be patient and aware of His perfect love for you!
   
   
    
3. Share your story! It doesn’t have to be a soap opera type story! In fact, we need to hear ALL the journeys to Jesus! And allow God to be who is revealed through your story.  To God be the glory! 

   Always here.  Always praying!
   

Related Source: (Highly Recommend!)

He Calls Sinners, Not the Righteous – Deepen with Pastor Joby Martin: Matthew S4 E1